


Humbuggery

by SSDSnape



Series: Yuletide Tales [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bible Bashing, Christian!Hermione, Christianity Vs. Harry, Gen, Hogwarts Era, Is Harry a true Half-Blood? Or is he something else?, Is Harry an Atheist?, Is Harry in fact a Pagan, M/M, Pagan!Harry, Putting the Fear of Doubt into someone's mind, Using paganism as a front to have an argument with someone, sixth year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 02:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5317025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSDSnape/pseuds/SSDSnape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Harry is sitting in the Great Hall minding his own business, when Hermione Granger walks in and makes a comment.... Giving Harry a chance too good not to waste.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Humbuggery

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Katiejaneway1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiejaneway1/gifts).



> _I have no intention of offending anybody - this is a work of fiction. I just wanted to see what would happen if you had a Pagan? Maybe an Atheist is more likely - take on a Christian in their beliefs._  
>  ~ SSD

Harry was sitting in the great hall sipping a hot mulled pumpkin juice, while doodling on a bit of parchment, when Hermione walked in and sat down opposite him. A few minutes later Hagrid came in lugging the first of many large Christmas trees. 

 

'Merlin. Tinsel time again!'  
_Oh here were go,_ Hermione thought, as she rolled her eyes, before she said, 'I do wish you would give it a rest, Harry!' 

 

'What?' Harry replied, looking up. 'I didn't say anything.'  
'Oh really?' Hermione fired back. 'Hagrid brings in one of the trees for Christmas and you mumble, "Tinsel time again". Which instantly means, "You hate Christmas, so let's make everyone chronically depressed and cut our throats."' 

 

'I never said that. That's your words, not mine.' Harry went on. 'But it seems I'm not aloud to voice my own opinion on things. Simply saying, "Tinsel time again" does _not_ mean that I'm turning into Scrooge - I'm just stating a fact. _Merlin!'_

 

Harry stopped, took a breath and continued.  
'Christmas is a time for family to come together, round a tree or the fire and give gifts if they choose to do so... Or to simply be with their family. But, if I want to be a Scrooge and be nasty and unpleasant, then that is my choice. Not anyone else's.' 

 

'You forgot Harry, that it is also the season, when we remember the universal joy and rejoicing at Jesus's birth.' Hermione said, peeved.  
'Universal?' Harry replied nonplussed. 'It wasn't _universal_. The Chinese couldn't give a toss. I don't suppose they were bunging the coins in the puddings in Baghdad, either.' 

 

'In Christendom, the rejoicing _was_ universal.'  
'No it wasn't.' Harry said, his eyebrow raised. 'I have it on good authority that King Herod was much upset by the whole thing. Some kingdom he had too. Knee-deep in soppy Shepards. All those...' Harry remembered what he had said last year. 'All those prats on camels following yonder star...'

 

Hermione tried to intervene, but Harry rolled on.  
'..wise men my foot. Talk about silly, dotty non-sequential gifts! Gold, frankincense and myrrh. Well, what is myrrh, anyway, huh? Myrrh. My-rrrrh.' 

 

Hermione just sat there mouth open, as she stared at the person she had classed as her friend all these years.  
'There's Jesus, barely born, 40 years to become the second greatest man that ever lived (the first being Merlin) and what did they bring him? Something unpronounceable from from Glad Rags Perfumery.' 

 

'You just don't see the good sides to the Bible, Harry.' Hermione said upset.  
'Well, there are no good sides to that fictional tome. It's complete and utter humbuggerance to me. The only thing that I could see as a good side to it, would be that it'd make excellent toilet paper.' 

 

Hermione stood up and left the Hall, leaving Harry with a happy gleam in his eyes.  
'My Merlin, that was fun.' He said.  
'Was that wise, Harry?' Came a voice as smooth as dark chocolate behind him. 

 

'Yes, I think so.' Harry went on, as he turned around to look at Severus Snape. 'I don't need some local clockwork ding dong telling me who I should and should not believe in.' 

 

'Humbug?' Snape said, as he produced a small paper bag of them.  
'I think, Humbuggery might be more fun. Don't you, Professor?' 

 

'Hm.' Severus growled as he placed the bag of sweets into his pocket, before he hauled Harry up by his hand and dragged him from the Hall. 'I think I can Hum... bugger you senseless if you so wish, my little pagan rite.' 

 

Chuckling Harry and Severus quickened their pace across the Entrance Hall and down into the dungeons. They didn't even take notice of Hermione, who was standing just off to the side of the Great Hall doors, with wide blown eyes, at her discovery of Harry and Snape together.  
'No, that won't do... No. Not. At. All!'


End file.
